Below is something I wrote only a few weeks after Lukas was born into a quiet hospital room full of sadness.
One recurring theme since we told everyone we were pregnant with Lukas was, “it’s gonna change your life.” What actually changed my life were the words, “there’s no heart beat.”
My heart broke.
15 months of thinking about what it would be like. Peeing on 20 sticks, all negative. Making the decision to try clomid. Not telling anyone our decision.
Then a positive, it worked.
Cruised through the first trimester with only a few bumps, and thinking we were safe.
It’s a boy
Lukas Clark Moore
The only scare was a false positive quad screen and a slightly painful amnio.
The halfway point, and only some leg cramps and nerve pain in my left hip.
Getting kicked from the inside and filling it on the outside. Seeing how excited that made Jay.
Then the words “there’s no heart beat.”
My heart broke.
23 weeks of life, and my life has changed forever.
Birth: Hello Goodbye
Induction has never been such a dirty word. When the nurse first said that I would need to be induced and give birth to Lukas the thought was unimaginable. Now I think it was the best way. It made it all feel real.
I was really pregnant
I was really in pain
I was really heart-broken
I am really loved
I am really in love
I am stronger than I thought I could ever be
I am stronger because of you
I will always Love and Miss my first-born son.
Thanks to all of you who have shown your support and love to J and I through this very difficult year. We will always know we are loved and supported in this journey.