We survived 3 baby showers in just under 2 weeks. I am amazed by the amount gifts we have received. Luckily Ian’s room has a big walk in closet (this way I can store the 20 blankets we now have). J helped me stow all this stuff away after each shower.
Surprisingly I feel ok having all this stuff in the house. However, I am having some difficulty actually integrating it. What I’m trying to say is that nearly everything is still in the box or has the tag still on. I washed 2 outfits yesterday, but have probably 30 hanging in the closet with tags on. The swing, diaper genie, stroller… all still in boxes. The bottles and breast pump still need to be washed and space needs to found for the bottles in the kitchen. I feel like I should have done all of these things weeks ago, but I just can’t. I know that actually organizing/washing/unpacking all these baby items has no impact on the healthy delivery of my child, but the babyloss part of me says I can just shut the door to Ian’s room and make it all go away.
I remember coming home from the hospital after Lukas was born and going though the house removing everything that reminded us of him. We put all the ultrasound pictures immediately in a drawer. I had a baby count down going on a chalk board in the kitchen which ended up erased and face down in the guest room closet. The empty spot in the kitchen cabinet for bottles was quickly filled with drinking glasses.
The term is “happily ever after.” That’s the way all pregnancies are supposed to end. This is the part I’m having the most trouble buying into. Ultimately Ian will never know (or care) if washed all his clothes before he came home, had his swing set up in the living room, or read a parenting book. So for now it’s the essentials that I’m focused on. He has a clean outfit to come home in and once the car seat arrives (Friday) we will have a safe way to bring him home. That’s as far as I’ve gotten.