This past Saturday I had my first shower. I have not been to a baby shower since before Lukas. This Saturday also marked 18 months since Lukas was born still.
We survived, and by that I mean Ian and myself. I think like most babyloss moms I feared that by having a baby shower I would jinks myself. I will admit that my anxiety level was pretty high. It did help that my wonderful friends brought the shower to me. Having it at my house helped tremendously.
My biggest fear; loosing Ian on the day of or shortly after the shower (two days have past and we are still good). It is hard to keep the negative thoughts away. I tried to not let them seep in as I opened each package, but it was hard. Seeing all the adorable clothes and wishing that they won’t end up in a memory trunk in the closet. Every second I hope Ian will get to use all the wonderful stuff. Even now when I walk by the nursery I can smell the wipes and lotion. It smells like a new baby. Everyday we get closer to meeting and everyday I hope for the best.
Here are some picks from the weekend and the nursery.
